


Confrontation

by PerfectPurgatory



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 10:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10897221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerfectPurgatory/pseuds/PerfectPurgatory
Summary: When Kylo Ren gets captured by the love of his life, what will he do when he's confronted with the truth?





	Confrontation

He sits there, head in his hands, willing his headache to go away. His anger gives way to despair. He tries to think about anything other than her, but each time, his mind goes to something else he doesn’t want to think about. He doesn’t want to think about all those years ago when Uncle Luke would patiently teach him how to wield his lightsaber. He doesn’t want to think about the loving way his mother would push his hair to the side of this face and touch his cheek. He doesn’t want to think about the way his dad would let him sit on his lap while driving the Falcon. It’s painful. It’s agony. 

He thinks about what he’s become. He was a prince of Alderaan. He was a prodigy. And he threw it away to become, what? A ruler of the galaxy? A murderer of innocents? What could ever justify what he’s done? He thought he was in the right. He still thinks he was in the right, and it’s eating at him. He knows what he did was wrong. He knows that he shouldn’t have ever given into it. But he also knows that there is a significant part of him that enjoyed the power. He enjoyed the fear he instilled in those who he walked past. He especially enjoyed the feeling of infallibility. 

But that feeling went away the moment she stepped into his life. He was no long indestructible. He was vulnerable. He was weak. She made him weak. When he first saw her, he couldn’t believe that this was the girl he had been hearing about. That this was the pilot helping to steal away the map. She was a mere scavenger, from a backwater planet called Jakku. She was of no significance, and yet she held an entire galaxy’s worth of strength in her eyes. She had potential. And he had the potential to turn her into something truly magnificent. Something worthy of being called empress. That’s what he wanted, right? To eventually rule over the galaxy with the First Order under his command. And he wanted to do it with her by his side.

A foolish dream from a foolish man.

He could feel her coming before he heard the door to his cell creep open. Her Force signature was the easiest in the galaxy for him to find. It was as if it called to him, drawing him in. It was bright and intoxicating, and he found himself, for a moment, mesmerized again by the light, and the anger, inside of her. She was a walking contradiction. Then again, so was he. 

She was standing, and she had a plate in her hands. By the look of it, it contained jogan fruit and some sort of oatmeal. She was beautiful, just standing there. The light coming from the hallway behind her made her look like the angel she was. He was quick to remind himself that even angels want control and power, and they will lie and cheat to obtain it. She opens her mouth, and with that goes the illusion of her being anything more than his captor. 

“I brought you food.” She most certainly had. His mother’s least favorite fruit and his least favorite breakfast item.

“Why are you here?” He didn’t care much for beating around the bush. If he had something to say, he would say it, and he expected the same from her. She had obviously come in here for a reason.

“You’re my guest.” She eyed him with a strange sort of playfulness. Using the same terminology that he had used on her so long ago didn’t sit right with him. Was she mocking him?

The atmosphere became uncomfortable the more Kylo just sat there, looking up at her from his bed. He wasn’t amused and he was waiting for a real answer.

“I, um…” She broke the awkward silence and walked over to the small table in the corner to put the plate down. She was purposefully avoiding looking him in the eyes, and that bothered him. “I just hadn’t come to see you since…” She trailed off. He knows what she’s trying to say. She’s trying to tell him that she feels bad that she hasn’t confronted him after two weeks of him living in a cell block that she put him in. He doesn’t want her feeling bad. He wants her to own up to it and face him.

“Since what?” She looked uncomfortable. After a moment of silence, he spoke again. “Say it.”

Silence. Confusion.

“Say. It.” He said it through clenched teeth, enunciating each word.

“Kylo, I don’t think you understand-”

“Understand?” His He scoffed and shook his head. “I think I understand perfectly what’s going on here. You tricked me. You led me to believe in a lie that you fabricated. What I don’t understand, is why you’re here, right now.”

“I came here to apologize.” She had genuine pain in her eyes. 

“I don’t want your apology. I get it. You made your choice, and it wasn’t me.” 

He tried not to show her how badly he was hurting. How he wanted to walk over to her and kiss her, one last time, to see if there was anything there, even the tiniest spark. Because when they were together he felt it. He felt that jolt of electricity every time she touched him. He felt the tingling of his lips after kissing her neck. And he thought she had felt it too. It couldn’t have all been a lie, could it? Regardless of her feelings, the betrayal hurt him more than he cared to admit. 

“They’re my friends, Kylo. I can’t just abandon them. What did you expect me to do?” Rey said, raising her voice,

She was walking on some very thin ice. Was she really so blind that she couldn’t see what was right in front of her? He thought he had made it obvious. He thought he made it clear that he was falling in love with her. He would have done anything for her. At some point, he probably would have turned himself in to the Resistance himself if it would make her happy. But she didn’t let it get to that point. She cut off the bud before it could bloom and now it’s lying, dead and withering on the ground.

“I expected you to stay with me.” He stood up fast enough to make himself dizzy. “But I see now that I was a fool.”

“I didn’t want it to come to this. You have to know that!” Her brow was furrowed.

“Don’t try to rationalize this. I don’t need you to tell me your motivation.” Anger was beginning to fuel him. Until now, he had no energy to extend to anger, and it felt good to finally get it out.

“You weren’t going to stop until the Resistance was destroyed. I did what I had to do.” 

It was true. His plan was to find their base and destroy it. He asked Rey to tell him once. He almost lost her that day. He quickly learned that it was not a subject he should bring up. He could have forced the location out of her. He could have looked into her mind and snatched it out before she could react. He wouldn’t waste time like he did the first time. But he never did. He genuinely wanted her to like him. The only times he would ever go through her mind was to see what she was dreaming about while she slept.

“So doing what you ‘had to do’ involved lying to me? If we were enemies, and you subdued me, that’s doing what you have to do. Pretending to be something you’re not for a year is doing what you want to do. You would have never done it if you didn’t want to do it, Rey. I know you.” There was a softness in his voice when he said her name.

Her silence was deafening. All she did was stare at him. Her face showed anger, confusion, and fear. 

“Kylo, you’ve killed innocent people. You killed Han. You can’t expect any of us to forget about that.” 

He knew this. He knew that most would never forget and none of them would ever forgive. He never had hope that somehow his mother would understand or that his uncle would take him back into the folds. They had never really seen him for what he really was, and they had certainly never accepted it if they did. He always knew that he had gone past the point of return and nothing would ever be the same. All things being equal, he thought that Rey was different.

“This is who I am, Rey. I never pretended to be a saint. You knew who I was before you got into this.”

“Yes, I did. And this is who I am. I won’t change that just for you.” She was defiant in the face of iniquity.

He never expected her to change because he thought he knew who she was. Anger rose inside of him as he remembered just how thoroughly she had tricked him into believing he was somehow worthy of her love. He thought about all the times he had looked back at his grandfather and understood his love for his grandmother. And now he felt what it was like for her to betray him in the end.

“You’re nothing but a traitor and a liar. You, and all your little womp rat friends. You’re just like them!” 

She could see the hurt in his eyes, but she was angry enough that she didn’t care.

“And you’re not a traitor? You left your family hurting. You left them in pieces and you expect me to let you say that we’re the traitors?” She stared at him incredulously. 

“Your friends have done nothing but bring rot and decay to this galaxy. They’ve only brought chaos and ruin! How can you still be on their side? We could bring order, Rey!” He started to walk closer to her.

“My friends are good people. They’re my family! I love them. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” It stung like the cold wind of winter hitting you in the face at full force.

“I loved them until they betrayed me!” They were locked in a yelling match, each progressively louder than the other.

“You’ve never loved anything in your whole life!”

“I loved you!” Veins were about to pop out of his neck. He practically spit it in her face.

The look in her eyes was pure guilt. It hit him in that moment like a pod racer. He was, once again, stoic. As it clicked into place, he couldn’t help but to wish he were anywhere else. He would rather be fighting a Rancor than dealing with this.

“You never loved me, did you?” All emotion was gone from his face. “Did you?!” After a moment of silence, he practically screamed it. His stoicism, gone.

“Kylo, I- I…” She was stuttering.

He wished he had his lightsaber. Then he could get rid of her visage once and for all. But he knew that wouldn’t help. He knew it would just haunt him, like his father did. And he couldn’t hurt her. Regardless of what she did, he could never bring himself to harm her.

That was his problem; the light and the dark within him were always at war with one another. He wished he could have as bright of a light as hers, but he knows the darkness within him will never let that happen. He’s too far gone. He decided he doesn’t want to find out whether he can be redeemed. He has no reason to redeem himself now. There was a time he thought he could change, if only for her. But she ruined the possibility of that ever happening.

“Rey, get out.” He was trying to contain as much of his rage as he could.

“What?” She looked up at him, confused.

“I said, get out.” When she didn’t move, he forcefully grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him so that their faces were practically touching. “Let me make this one thing clear: I don’t care about you. I don’t care what you feel, I don’t care what you think. You wanted a monster, you’ll have one. You haven’t seen anything close to what I’m capable of and when I break out of here, you better hope I don’t run into you.”

Looking from one eye to the other, he made sure she was convinced. Once he saw adequate fear in her eyes, he pushed her towards the door. She walked through it and shut it behind her, only hesitating for a moment. He was alone once again.

The level of his despair rose the further away her Force signature became. He sat back down on his bed and put his head in his hands. He didn’t look up for a long time, but when he did, his eyes focused on the plate of Jogan fruit and oatmeal. His heart felt heavy. 

They used to sit and eat exotic foods together. The whole galaxy was rife with new and exciting things for Rey to try. Being on Jakku and eating rations her whole life, she was amazed each time he would bring something new for her to try. She would smile at him and give him those eyes like nothing else mattered. He always thought she looked her prettiest when she smiled. Her light would take up the whole room. 

The more often he saw her, the harder it was to push away the light. At night, he would talk to his grandfather, and, at first, he would beg for forgiveness. The further their relationship progressed, the more the conversation turned to an understanding of the love and compassion he knew his grandfather once held. 

He felt like destroying something, but there was nothing to destroy and nothing to destroy with. He knew his fate. He would tell them what they needed to know and then he would be tried and executed for war crimes innumerable. He would die knowing that the woman he loved never loved him back. He walked over to the table and picked up a jogan fruit. Taking a bite out of it, he had the slightest bit of hope that maybe she did love him. But he didn’t let himself dwell on it for long.

He finished the jogan fruit and sat down on his bed. He was going to think of a way to escape. He couldn’t just sit here and wait for death, no. He was Kylo Ren. She didn’t love him. He had no reason to do her any favors, and he had no reason to try to help her Resistance. 

With that decided, he got to work. He was going to find a way out of this place, and he was going to do in within the next week. He wouldn’t go back to the First Order. He didn’t know what he’d do, really. But he had no future here, and he had no future with the Supreme Leader.

He wondered if she’d miss him. Jarring himself back into reality, he mentally chastised himself. He shouldn’t be thinking about her. She would never love him, and he had been a fool to think she could. 

All the same, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. The way her dimples showed when she smiled. The way her face scrunched up when she laughed. She was his light. And he would now be forever in the dark. Maybe he could find the light within himself, instead. Maybe he didn’t need her to be his sole source of warmth. Kylo Ren would turn into Ben Organa once more.


End file.
